of love, life and living it up

my parents are typical of people who grew up in their era in that they are uncomfortable discussing sex and all that goes along with it. in their own way they were able to pass on information to me and since they were not the only adults around me when i was growing up by the time i reached the age of legal sexual consent i had all the accurate information i needed to make an informed decision.

this would not have been the case had my parents not had the foresight to make sure i got educated. they always left me books and magazines that discussed sex and took me and my siblings to countless seminars and youth group initiatives that preached abstinence and responsibility and all that other good stuff but also gave us the right information concerning contraceptives, protecting yourself from diseases and all the while saying "if you are going to, be safe and prepared." by the time i went to secondary school, i knew that condoms had expiry dates, how to store and use one and the importance of testing. from the all female oriented seminars i was taught that contraception was also my responsibility and that a boy/man who was hesitant to use any was not worth my health or my life. truth be told, we were sick of having this information drummed into our heads over and over and over. especially on a saturday afternoon when i could clearly be doing something fun considering that school was on monday and not to mention the "wasted" weekdays during the holidays.

i didn't really appreciate all this until i went to high school. being in an all girl school, we were constantly being given talks: those ones about your period with free samples from the always people, how to handle stress and yes, the sex talks. the latter disturbed me the most. almost everyone i know watched those graphic videos about STD's with close ups that horrified you to the point of nausea especially before lunch. so. every year for four years, those people (i don't know which organization they were from) came and showed the film and said that is why we should wait until marriage to have sex: THIS is what happens when you have sex before marriage. abstinence is good, is neccessary and mandatory to find yourself a good husband/father for your children. that was it. oh yeah, and boys are not to be trusted and neither are outings to the movies, discos and any place where there was darkness and no adult supervision. end of talk.

some boys i knew (also in boarding school) were also given the talk, but at the end they were given condoms and told to be responsible. this double standard still irritates me to this very day. why give condoms to the boys but not to the girls? its almost logical to assume that if high school boys were to have sex they would have it with high school girls. am i right or am i right? preaching the gospel according to abstinence is all well and good but one sided information leads to bad choices. we all know that not everyone abstains so we might as well give out relevant information and save lives/prevent disease while we are at it,right?

it's sad that most people i know my age found out about sex and its workings from their friends or the media. it irritates me that some parents are in perpetual denial that their children one day will have sex and instead teach using fear and half truths and myths (i wonder when they expect to clear this up - the day before your wedding night?) i'm mad at all these people who are against sex education saying that it promotes promiscuity and then turn around and say the images on tv, magazines, newspapers, radio etc are to blame for the spread of H.I.V. it's surprising that even in this day and age a young woman buying a condom from a pharmacy makes some nosy woman behind the counter feel inspired to give lectures on being good (trust me, this happened) and virtuous. even more depressing is that even with all the diseases out there my cousins know zilch about responsible sex and that there are not enough of my family members open minded/courageous enough to give them the talk. even if you take it upon yourself to do so, you run the risk of being accused of corrupting young minds.

even more frustrating is wanainchi's general attitude towards H.I.V and AIDS, even in the healthcare industry. my sister had to intern in hospital labs as part of her course requirment and encountered interns and nurses who would refuse to handle the blood work and samples from those even suspected to be infected. or a hairdresser i once knew (r.i.p sophie) who lost friends, family, clients and several jobs once she revealed her status until she gave up about being open about it and kept it a secret. and that there was no one to take care of her family once she was gone. that there are so many who wear a red ribbon but go no further to educate and inform on how S.T.D's are spread and how to prevent them, forgetting that you do not neccesarily have to put an ad in the newspaper, you just have to talk to those around you.

today it shall be my aim to go beyond wearing a red ribbon and talk about AIDS and how it has affected those around me. i shall make a conscious effort to call home and find out how sophie's kids are doing and try and help out despite my struggling student status. when i go home i shall have "the talk' with my cousins and other relations, especially the girls and face the wrath of several god - fearing and overprotective aunties afterwards. i'll try to keep this in the forefront of my mind because i shouldn't only be concerned on december first but that this should be an ongoing process. most importantly, i shall pray and wait with bated breath for the day that discussions about sex and sexual responsibility with relevant information will become the norm rather than the exception.