of love, life and living it up

about half an hour ago, i had poured my heart out and bared my soul. i wont even get into where that post went, cos ill get mad all over again. anyway. i was on the quarter life crisis thing but getting into all that again just seems like alot of work as far as typing and my emotions are concerned, so i shall leave that for another day. but as for my thoughts on love ... on that i could go on forever. at times i think that the attempt to define love is futile, because the way i see it it is something so diverse and yet so personal that it is impossible for any two people to have the same view on that all encompassing emotion. love for family, love for friends, love for the things you do, love for pets (dave i love you!) all that is universally understood but cannot be universally explained. its a feeling, an emotional state of mind that no one can feel for you, only you can experience. this is especially true when you dont just love, but are in love. to be in love for me has been one of the best things that ever happened to me. it took me a special, one of a kind (and not to mention gorgeous) man to teach me that being in love can be one of the most liberating experiences in life. it has taught me to feel without reservation, to enjoy the experience and to now understand that these are the emotions that romance novels are made of. its also about sacrifice, about compromise and about understanding each other. its being able to spend an entire day together and most of the night texting each other and still miss that person before you go to sleep. its when someone takes the time to make you comfortable about the physical part of a relationship and hold you as you cry when things dont turn out right and tell you that you are still the most beautiful woman in his eyes. its when he becomes your best friend and is there for you from when you are cramping and pms-ing like crazy to when you feel that your life is not worth living and everything inbetween. its learning that the imperfections in a man are what make him perfect. its loving someone so much that its unreal. its the object of your affection loving you back so much that it brings tears to your eyes. its the little things, from the way he holds you to the way your friends tell you that he sneaks glances at you when he thinks you arent looking to the way his silly jokes make you laugh. its the way he watches you as you sleep and kisses you when you wake up. its the way he makes you feel when you are around him (great) and the way you fell when you are not around him (awful) its the look in his eyes as he tells you that he wants you to have his children ... its when he wants to get a tatoo to show how much you mean to him. its all these and so much more. the more cannot be explained, it can only be felt. i am lucky enough to have a man who is my lover, my best friend, my soulmate, my beloved, my everything. my handsome Teddy Bear is all the above and more. when i think about being in love i think about him. but the problem of being so far away from home, all the way in houston is that you get to know the bittersweet part of being in love. its crying yourself to sleep more times than you can remember even before you leave. its having your heart break as you try to spend every moment with him knowing that each goodbye is closer to the final one. its loving someone so much that you are willing to take your chances by letting them go and seeing how things turn out. its missing him so much that it goes beyond any pain that you felt before. its waking up in the morning knowing that you cant see him. its not being able to sms silly stories to each other all night long and meet the next day and laugh about it. its not being able to talk to them, hold them and cry in their arms and feel all better.its choosing not to do the long distance thing no matter how much it hurts and hope for the best. its knowing that you shall always love him unconditionally no matter what happens. i learnt the hard way that being in love is also about communication and forgiveness. its knowing that i belong to him and i always will and that the first time i told him i was his i meant it and now more than ever i mean it. its being afraid of losing him or that he wont want me or love me as much if and when we meet again....even when he tells me otherwise.but if its one thing that love is for me is eternity. i shall love my Teddy Bear, now and always. that will never be changed- not by time, not by distance and not by circumstance.